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Hi, I’m Kristina. You may remember me from such films as “NSYNC: The Reunion Tour”, “Epinions: Behind The Music”, and most recently, “Karokee Xtinafh Style”. I’m here today to tell you about the revolutionary floor vacuum blessed with the name, Roomba. It slices, it dices, and it sucks in places that you and I have come to fear the most.

What It Is - The Condensed Version

Roomba is an intelligent floorvac. How is it intelligent? It’s IQ is generally higher than the average Joe. It is round, measures 13 3/4 in diameter, 3 3/4 high, and weighs 7 1/2 pounds. It is often mistaken for a flying saucer. Put it in a well picked up room, press a button or two, and it’ll suck up dirt, hair, and everything else nasty that you’d rather not be touching.

What It Comes With

You get the main Roomba flying saucer, a rechargeable NiMH battery pack, battery charger with AC adapter, virtual wall unit, and two replacement filters.

Fortunately for those of us who are assembly-required-challenged, the only thing that you’ll have to put together is inserting the battery into the proper slot. Trust me, you can do it.

Making It Work So You Don’t Have To

Roomba is not meant to replace your usual deep cleanings (i.e. vacuuming with a REAL appliance). You’re supposed to use it as an in-between-meals type of snack. Make sure you brush people. I don’t want to be responsible for excess dental bills.

The Simple Directions

1. Insert battery

2. Charge overnight (12 hours)

3. Place Roomba in the middle of the room you want to clean.

4. Turn on the main switch.

5. Determine its size (small - 10 X 12, medium - 14 x 16, large - 15 x 20).

5. Press the corresponding button (small, medium, large).

6. Get the hell out of the way.

When it signals that it’s done (it beeps), turn it off. Empty receptacle bin. Go about your merry way. Incidentally, Roomba with its charged battery is equipped to clean to medium sized rooms (and or 60-90 minutes of time) on one fully charged battery.

How It Performs

The first time I used it, I picked the most filthiest, grubbiest room in the house - the bathroom where my husband showers. See, not only is he a slob, but he sheds more than most cats and dogs. I wanted to see how deep of a cleaning it really did.

I did everything that I mentioned in the above directions and instead of closing the door and going about my business, I held it open (just a crack) and watched with childhood fascination as Roomba did its work. Wow! More entertaining then most things on television…especially during the day.

The carpet in this particular room is OLD and needs to be replaced so I was skeptical that it would do that good of a job. After watching it go round and round and round and round (insert a few gentle bumps into walls), it beeped at me to let me know that it was done.

I’d like to describe the contents of what was in the particle bin but common courtesy dictates that I don’t go into detail. Seriously though, I’m surprised we haven’t caught a disease from that carpet before Roomba entered the picture.

The second time I used it, I put it in a room that had been previously vacuumed - my bedroom. We have a bed that is up high off of the ground so I didn’t think about Roomba taking a trip under there. Well it did and guess what it found? A sock. It actually tried to eat a sock. Hungry little sucker. After freeing the sock from the jaws of death, Roomba started up again. The results of this experiment? I could tell that Roomba had picked up stuff because the carpet looked a little cleaner. The particle bin confirmed this.

Since these two episodes, I have used Roomba on my hardwood floors, my vinyl floors in two of the bathrooms, and carpets, including my main area one in the living room. Mine doesn’t have tassels but if yours did, tuck them under or else Roomba will think you want him to eat it.

By the way, my walls have been freshly painted and I worried that Roomba might knock into them, marring them (thus p*issing me off). It gently knocks into barriers (be that walls, or whatever) and you can’t even tell it was there.

A Note About the Virtual Wall Unit

In case you have rooms that do not have doors OR you feel the need to keep an eye on this sucker, Roomba furnishes you with something called a virtual wall unit. You have to purchase your own “D” batteries to make it work (takes 2 baby). Think of it as a remote control. You use it to program Roomba and then you place the puppy on the floor to “block” Roomba from exiting the room. It covers up to 13 feet. More than that, and Roomba will probably sneak out on you.

Little Things That Matter

Everyone who knows me well knows that I detest having to read instructions. If whatever I purchase isn’t intuitive enough for me to figure out, then really, should I be owning it in the first place?

I really appreciated the fact that the manufacturer thought about people like me when they created the directions. Not only is there an owner’s manual, but there is also a simple, one page, picture filled sheet on how to go from point A to point B. These types of directions, I have patience for. Owner’s manuals are for people with too much time on their hands :).

Both pieces of documentation are very easy to comprehend by the way so if you’re giving Roomba as a gift to one of your box of rocks relatives, rest assurred that even they will be able to operate Roomba.

The Care And Feeding Of

Roomba is a sensitive creature. He wants you to pick him up by his handle. Make sure you empty the particle bin after every cleaning because otherwise, Roomba isn’t as spunky as you want him to be when he gets to that next room. If you have shed monsters in your family, pull all of the excess hair off of the brushes with each use.

Why I Like This

1. No frickin’ vacuum bags to change.

2. I can turn Roomba on, and leave the room to do other things.

3. It’s a great conversation piece.

4. It finds things that my vacuum cleaner seems to miss.

5. Finally, I got something high-tech before my friends did.

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